The Bad Teacher

Few things in life are as nerve-wracking as the first day on the job. My first day as a real life teacher was no different. I don’t think I had ever been so nervous in my entire life (and I had been a cheerleader so performance and competition was not a new experience for me). I remember exactly what I was wearing: A cream long sleeved dress with red flowers on it, red tights (ew), and high heeled boots. I remember standing in front of my first period of the day trying so hard not to smile (because I had been given that weird advice) but I couldn’t help it. I was way too excited. My first year was spent at a Title I school in a low socioeconomic area in my hometown. For as long as I could remember (even when I was in middle school myself) this school had a less than stellar reputation. But I didn’t care, it was my dream to help the kids that needed it most and dammit I was going to do it!

That excitement I was talking about? Very quickly dashed by the lovable, yet somewhat evil minds of seventh graders. I tried to go through my expectations (I only had 5 but they covered all the things, I’ll post about the importance of short and simple expectations sometime). I was immediately interrupted. “Are you going to let us cuss? The last sub let us cuss.” “Are you going to give a lot of homework? Because I won’t do it.” I mean it was like I was standing in a war zone getting missiles thrown at me. I had been so unprepared for the push back and the questioning. I had this vision that I would be this perfect cross between Miss Honey and the Trunchbull. Like not so sweet I get walked all over but also not so mean that I’m out here chucking children by their braids. Yeah that was not the case. I kind of ended up somewhere between a scared fainting goat and a panicked kitten.

But I kept showing up. Because this was my dream. My passion! That first week honestly feels like a fever dream looking back on it. It was absolute chaos. That Wednesday I had a kid fall asleep in my class and just not wake up. I called admin who called 911 and the kid didn’t even budge when the paramedics pricked his finger. Come to find out, his parents weren’t paying attention to his medication and were giving him way too much. I vividly remember listening to my principal and assistant principal discussing which one of them would be calling CPS. Dude. That was my third day! You know that voice over that goes “It was then that he realized…he f***ed up.” Yeah that played in my head for sure. I doubted my ability to actually be able to do the one and only thing I had dreamed of doing since I was 5 years old. Obviously I didn’t quit after that third day, or I wouldn’t be where I am now. I’m thankful I didn’t, but it’s almost comical to look back at how much of a disaster my first year was, right off the bat, and think about the fact that I stuck with it. I am nothing if not tenacious.

That Friday one of my students crawled under a table and had a complete meltdown. Like legit screaming, holding the entire class up M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N. I honestly couldn’t tell if she was joking or not it was that insane. She just sat there and cussed at the rest of the class and cried and yelled. Once I coaxed her out she started laughing. I felt like I was in a horror movie. I still to this day don’t know if that girl was actually upset or just wanted to ruin my Friday morning.

The only homework I gave out in the beginning was a reading log. Y’all they didn’t even have to summarize what they read, just record the date, title and amount of minutes read. They could have easily faked it. Of my 150 students I’d get about 7 turned in every week. Coming from someone who loved school, and lived for reading, I could not fathom why so few of my students were doing this homework. It wasn’t until later in my career that I realized the why and that’s another blog post for another time.

Overall, I want to look pack at my past self and hug her and thank her for sticking with it. Teaching was rewarding, challenging, and somewhat horrifying but it was so, so worth it. I have oodles of fun stories about my experiences that I plan to share. But being the analytical type, I had to start from the beginning. See you next time!